So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
