my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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