I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
