glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
