I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
