i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
