Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
