Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
