Those balls look pretty dangerous.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
