too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
