I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize