i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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