After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
