He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
