We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
