So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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