last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
