On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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