would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
