whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
