Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
