3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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