so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
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Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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