So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Randomize
