I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So here I am, sexting at work.
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