Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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