I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
