I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
handjob tips. give me some.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
