I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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