So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
