After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize