dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize