How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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