Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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