areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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