omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
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josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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