Please, let me fuck your mom
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
