if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
