apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
