U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
