I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize