Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
