All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm bleeding and have questions
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