Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
