getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
