yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
