Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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