when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
