I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
