I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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