I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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