1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
