Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
