I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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