I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
