I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When did angry sex become our thing?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
