as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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