I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
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Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
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There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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