you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
