So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
