Non-Jews are for practice
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
