The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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