can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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