I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
