i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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